How to Handle Conflict

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Tips & Tricks & Why Do I Care?

This post was previously published November 19, 2015. Since handling conflict is a part of life, there's never a bad time to arm yourself with ways to win at sticky situations.

It is important to find manageable ways to deal with confrontation and conflict to alleviate the inevitable pains that come from an ill-spoken word or argument. Here are my top four tips along with an awesome apology format to follow when future conflicts happen.

- if something is said that makes you want to lash out::

and an immediate response is necessary, take three full inhales and exhales before responding. If you can wait to respond, take the time to filter your words in a way that strongly presents your opinion but comes across without inflicting pain.

- if something is written that makes you want to lash out::

do not respond immediately. Write out what you would like to say, but do not send it at that moment. Take out unnecessary expressions of anger, and after ensuring your words come across mindfully and intentionally without cruelty, hit the send button.

- if you do or have done something in an expression of anger or hatred::

remember a heartfelt and sincere apology goes a lot further than resentment ever will. For example, if you've hurt someone's feelings or said an unkind remark, ask yourself why you lashed out that way, how it might have impacted their life to hear something like that, and ways you two might move forward.

A helpful format is,
"It has come to my attention that my action of (action requiring apology) could be seen as (offensive, annoying, hurtful, etc). I never intended to (consequence of your action). I want you to understand I was merely trying to (your intention), though I can see now that it may appear I was (perceived motive). Please accept my (adjective) apology. Moving forward, I will attempt to (proposed solution). That said, I would very much appreciate it if you (request for other party). Sincerely your (relationship to person), (your name)."

- if you are angry with or hate yourself::

breathe, ask yourself what exactly makes you upset, and plan simple steps you can take moving forward to change the behavior that bothers you. As an example, imagine you are upset you do not wake up on time. Ask yourself if you are going to bed too late, having difficulty staying asleep, or feeling overly stressed during the day. Some helpful steps would be to wind down earlier in the evening to go to bed at a more appropriate-for-you time, to lessen your load during the day by delegating or re-prioritizing, or possibly adjusting your caffeine intake if you're having trouble falling and staying asleep.

Choosing a more peaceful way to handle conflict is not easy. It requires effort and self-reflection. Be kind to yourself if you lash out or wish you had done something differently. Take small steps.

+ Did you find these tips helpful? What is your go-to calm down strategy?

Tag @yourfriend_em on Twitter or Instagram and tell me what you loved best about Handling Conflict. Share this with people who could benefit. Hashtag #thegreatvibesguide to spread the Great Vibes! Xx

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Why Are You Holding Yourself Back?

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Breathe & Settle Down

 

Imagine what it’s like to be your dream self. Everything you put yourself through, everything you tell yourself to achieve this perfect ideal is now a reality. Now think of what this feels like. Are you free? Are you happy? Are you able to move and be at ease with yourself, holding hands with your soul as you live the life you’ve always envisioned? Now, imagine your soul pulling away from you after the years of solitude and isolation from your heart. Try and picture what you might look like without the light of love in your eyes, the blush of inspiration on your cheeks, the stain of inspiration in your mind. It would be sad and bleak and lonely, wouldn’t it? So why do we do it?

I want to envision a world where people allow themselves to fluctuate, change, evolve, grow – in size, in heart, in freedom – and consolidate their lives with equal encouragement. I want to giggle with glee and jump up and down; a moment where I am unaware of the pounds lingering here and there. I want to inspire others to fall in love with the food they put into their bodies instead of allowing just another part of their lives to be filled with deception and cruelty. What we do matters. It’s time we wake up. We are here to live and thrive – we have this one body, this one vessel on this earth at this time – we get to choose how happy we are in this moment. Let me repeat that one more time. We get to choose how happy we are in this moment. Is it always easy, peasy, lemon squeazy? Heck no. It is complicated and convoluted and intense and emotional and overwhelming and exhausting, but it is real and true and authentic to who we are and how much we truly deserve. Because we deserve the moon and beyond, little lights. It’s all ours for the taking.

 

I want to envision a world where people allow themselves to fluctuate, change, evolve, grow – in size, in heart, in freedom – and consolidate their lives with equal encouragement.

 

I don’t want to wake up tomorrow, ten years from now, fifty years from now, and have never truly lived because I was waiting for an unrealistic, inauthentic, unfortunate ideal that held me back. I want honesty, hope, determination, fun, laughter, love, great clothes, an awesome butt, best friends that keep it real, and the best life that I can live right now. Not tomorrow, not in the future, but right now in this very second.

I want to grab flowers and shove them towards my nose, twirl in laughter beneath rain clouds, scream my fears and my anxieties into the ocean breeze, and laugh with my soul sisters and brothers by my side. I want puppy snuggles, sleeping in, breakfast in bed, mind-altering kisses that make me blush to my toes, and I want it now, because why not? Who said I couldn’t? Me? What was I thinking?

Well I’m certainly thinking now. I want it all. I want it all for you and I want it all for me. And then I want a little more. And the only thing holding me back is myself. So let the dreaming begin, because anything you dream you can be in this world. And if you’re not sure how to dream that big, or you’re unsure how to make those dreams a reality, reach out. It’s not so scary when there is a hand reaching down inviting you to shake your hiney to Beyoncé and sing at the top of your lungs for awesomeness. I promise.

 

Love, laughter & as many winks as you need. Xx.

+ what would you like to see yourself embrace & truly imagine?

Want to feel like a million bucks with high energy, self-love, and freedom from fad-diets? Let’s work together.

Pause & Take a Breath || Yoga Wednesday | 3.18.15

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|| Breathe Deeply & Let it All Go ||

- Find yourself a comfortable, safe space to sit.

- You can either sit cross-legged or lie down with your back flat on the floor or mat.

- I invite you to close your eyes.

- Take a few deep breaths, drawing awareness to your breath and allowing it to flow deeply and calmly.

- Draw your hands to your belly and take a few deep breaths here. Breathe into your lower belly, in deep, full breaths. Cultivate stillness within your limbs. Accept any thoughts coming your way. Bring them with you into your space and allow yourself to move to a calm and safe space in mind and body.

- Next, draw your hands to your ribs. Breathe expansive energy into this area of your core. Feel your intercostal muscles expand and contract, equally and openly.

- Now, place your palms over your heart, perhaps your right over your left. Move them in clockwise circles, opening up your heart chakra to receiving the good energy and vibrations. Notice how this may light up your heart and fires up your inspiration. Acknowledge the emotions and thoughts asociated with this opening of your soul. Your breath may be more shallow here. Notice and accept without judgment.

- Now keep your left hand on your heart while your right hand drops to your lower belly. Breathe deep, full breaths, starting at your chest, moving to your ribs, and landing in your lower belly. Exhale out of your lower belly, out through your ribs, and finally releasing from your chest. This breath will feel like a wave. Repeat about three more times or for as long as you’d like.

- Notice how this calms you. Notice how you draw in and adjust your mind to move with your soul’s breath. Allow this ease to be a part of your life. To move back into the everyday energy around you, draw awareness back to your breath – perhaps it deepens now—and slowly blink your eyes back to present.

- Enjoy breaths of fresh air ;)

+ how was that for you? did you try it? what was holding you back if you didn't?

Want to feel like a million bucks with high energy, self-love, and freedom from fad-diets? Let’s work together.