End the Relationship Madness

Relationships are hard to have. You give a lot of yourself in the hopes that someone respects, cares, and encourages your hopes, dreams, loves, and wishes. Sometimes we look for intimate relationships, others just personable. Sometimes we want true companionship; other times we want pure and honest romance. No matter what is desired, its about knowing what you want out of your relationship going into it and being willing to stand your ground for what you deserve.

It’s easy to feel like you must put another above yourself in order for them to feel valued and open. However, suppressing yourself to bolster another does nothing but diminish your light. So let’s talk about the kind of relationships you want and how to feel confident in having them.

Familial: The relationships we have with family members are not always the positive, loving perspective we see on TV or in the movies (unless you count Parenthood or The Family Stone). Do what you can to connect to the people in your family, but know that they do not need to be your best friends. It’s awesome if they are – really that’s awesome – but a bulk of the population have problems within their family, and instead of acknowledging them and finding what allows them to thrive individually, they bury their hurt and pain until they have changed to become someone unrecognizable. Just like we do in our sexual and companionable relationships, we must find what our own souls need to thrive and bring it to the table, accepting nothing but that from other people. If you have grown estranged from a family member and are looking to connect again, it’s okay if the best you can do is a text or an email. Work to make a relationship thrive the best you can. Maybe, you cannot stand your sibling when you are in the same space. Could you thrive on an email update once or twice a month? Maybe a phone call? Find what works for you. There are no right or wrong ways to foster and develop a relationship. Yes, some books say you must be able to sit down face to face and share everything to be considered a harmonious and supportive within your family. That is simply unrealistic. We aren’t put on this earth to like everyone, but we can love everyone’s own lives and appreciate them for marching to their own drums. If that drum makes you want to shove your head beneath a pillow and scream, maybe you shouldn’t keep up too closely with that person – but still send them the love and support they need to grow. My family is wacky and dysfunctional and so far from perfect it’s comical, but I’m trying not to let that keep me from accepting the beautiful lights that are my family members.

Friendship/ Companionship: So if you can read this, chances are you’ve had a few friends in your life. It has been ingrained in our minds that friendships are an integral part of our lives. Without this type of connection, there is a lack of social support and engagement. But, let’s consider the obligatory friendships. The ones that drain our emotions, maybe take too much of what we are willing to give, and demand too much of ourselves. These are not healthy friendships. We will talk later about what it means to break up with friends and how to do so safely and comfortable (or as comfortable as possible), but for now let’s keep it simple. Sometimes, we aren’t meant to be friends with the same people forever. People truly come in our lives when we need them the most and leave when they are no longer necessary. And this is okay. I repeat: it’s okay to grow apart. Whenever we try to force something that doesn’t exist, we’re only hurting ourselves more.

So take a pause: do you have friendships that are one-sided, any that hold you back from reaching your true potential, or any that make you feel less than the amazing god or goddess you are? If the answer above was yes, how can you move forward? Is it easier to have a conversation with the person and lay it all out on the table, or do you need to pull away? How does that make you feel emotionally? Any and all responses are natural and okay. Try to respect yourself enough to ask for what you deserve and truly listen to that answer. A good friendship should be filled with support, encouragement, and healthy communication. If those things are not being met and you are often feeling worse after being with this friend than better, start to break down the relationship into how it developed, how you and the other person have evolved, and where you both are in your lives in this moment. Be honest with yourself and these truths. Use them to empower you to make healthy decisions that allow you to be surrounded by a supportive and loving circle.

Sexual / Intimate: Intimacy is an integral part of human wellbeing. When sexual pleasure is found in the right places, studies have shown that we are happier, lighter, more balanced, and more receptive and understanding in times of conflict or disagreement. That being said, sex of coercion or force or just for the sake of doing it without a real desire and more of convenience can be damaging to our psyche and emotional wellbeing -- as well as a whole host of other things; if you or someone you know has been affected by sexual trauma of one type or another, I encourage you to reach out and get the help from someone trained in working with survivors (if you need any resources, please contact me).

So how can you gain all these amazing benefits in an awesome and pleasurable way? The best piece of advice I have for everyone is confidence. Be confident in what you want, in your body shape and size, and in your sexy partner. Bring your strongest traits making you feel empowered and alive into the bedroom. No one beats another person up as much as you do when you are staring in the mirror. The only person letting his or her mind wander to stretch marks, sagging, extra weight, or other ‘flaws’ is the person that has them in the first place. The other person? They’re thinking how amazing it feels, what position to try next, and even what could be done to elevate pleasure. Tell them what you want, own who you are, and don’t let your insecurities hold you back. Be in the moment, embrace who you are and all that you are, and let that spin into a kick-butt bed sesh.

Let’s Summarize

+ you deserve the freaking moon, so don’t settle for less + stand up for yourself and expect kindness and love + if someone is diminishing your light, they aren’t worth it + embrace who you are and where you are in your life and evaluate your relationships accordingly + you are allowed to grow, change, and evolve – just because you used to jive with someone, doesn’t mean you have to for the rest of your life + any type of relationship needs to make you feel supported, loved, and encouraged – I repeat, do not settle for less

Want to feel like a million bucks with high energy, self-love, and freedom from fad-diets? Let’s work together.

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