How to Handle Conflict

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Tips & Tricks & Why Do I Care?

This post was previously published November 19, 2015. Since handling conflict is a part of life, there's never a bad time to arm yourself with ways to win at sticky situations.

It is important to find manageable ways to deal with confrontation and conflict to alleviate the inevitable pains that come from an ill-spoken word or argument. Here are my top four tips along with an awesome apology format to follow when future conflicts happen.

- if something is said that makes you want to lash out::

and an immediate response is necessary, take three full inhales and exhales before responding. If you can wait to respond, take the time to filter your words in a way that strongly presents your opinion but comes across without inflicting pain.

- if something is written that makes you want to lash out::

do not respond immediately. Write out what you would like to say, but do not send it at that moment. Take out unnecessary expressions of anger, and after ensuring your words come across mindfully and intentionally without cruelty, hit the send button.

- if you do or have done something in an expression of anger or hatred::

remember a heartfelt and sincere apology goes a lot further than resentment ever will. For example, if you've hurt someone's feelings or said an unkind remark, ask yourself why you lashed out that way, how it might have impacted their life to hear something like that, and ways you two might move forward.

A helpful format is,
"It has come to my attention that my action of (action requiring apology) could be seen as (offensive, annoying, hurtful, etc). I never intended to (consequence of your action). I want you to understand I was merely trying to (your intention), though I can see now that it may appear I was (perceived motive). Please accept my (adjective) apology. Moving forward, I will attempt to (proposed solution). That said, I would very much appreciate it if you (request for other party). Sincerely your (relationship to person), (your name)."

- if you are angry with or hate yourself::

breathe, ask yourself what exactly makes you upset, and plan simple steps you can take moving forward to change the behavior that bothers you. As an example, imagine you are upset you do not wake up on time. Ask yourself if you are going to bed too late, having difficulty staying asleep, or feeling overly stressed during the day. Some helpful steps would be to wind down earlier in the evening to go to bed at a more appropriate-for-you time, to lessen your load during the day by delegating or re-prioritizing, or possibly adjusting your caffeine intake if you're having trouble falling and staying asleep.

Choosing a more peaceful way to handle conflict is not easy. It requires effort and self-reflection. Be kind to yourself if you lash out or wish you had done something differently. Take small steps.

+ Did you find these tips helpful? What is your go-to calm down strategy?

Tag @yourfriend_em on Twitter or Instagram and tell me what you loved best about Handling Conflict. Share this with people who could benefit. Hashtag #thegreatvibesguide to spread the Great Vibes! Xx


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P.S.S.S. Have you checked out all of the
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An Empowering & Intention-Setting Gathering on Monday, the 21st of December

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The twinkle lights were shining, sparkles and glitter everywhere, and the mood was set with gratitude of 2015 and a welcoming energy for 2016...

On Monday, my heart cracked open a little bit, but in the best way possible.  I spent the evening leading an intention-setting and empowering gathering for four amazing women. I thought you'd like to see some pictures from the event. Recipes for the goodies on the table starting next week ;).

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Pineapple Studios in Downtown Wilmington provided the perfect energy and location for the gathering. Bright tassels swung in the entrance, and a table of journals, yummy food, & champagne sat in the corner.  Bolsters and blankets traditionally used in yoga formed our gathering circle where the women could get comfortable and relax.

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Ornaments were hung from the wall with care in hopes that brave women would soon be there.

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Glittering letters leaned against the wall as twinkle lights curved
and wrapped around the centerpiece of our evening.

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Through the course of the evening, the women were asked to write one word describing their hopes for 2016. By the end of the evening, the pendant featured words of inspiration the new year would bring.

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The table was adorned with wax flower and eucalyptus arrangements made by A Friend's Flowers. An apple tart, whipped cream, and chocolate chip oatmeal cookies lay beside a bottle of chilled champagne.

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A close up of the journals, chocolate, and flowers
the women took home as a treat at the close of the evening.

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Snowflakes lit up the table with a soft glow of holiday spirit.

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Flowers & a chalkboard sign invited guests to relax and prepare themselves for an evening of empowering intention setting & journaling.

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By the close of the event, 2016 looks to be an incredible year.

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These women prove that not all that glitters is gold.


I was so honored to lead this gathering on Monday the 21st. Thank you, ladies, for making it an evening I won't soon forget. Xx.


Happy Thanksgiving!

Let our lives be full of both thanks & giving.

May we never lose sight of the holidays' true purpose - to bring people closer, to speak kindly and peacefully, and to remind those around us of our love. I hope you are surrounded by peace, wrapped calmly in joy, and enveloped with love. If it has yet to be said to you this season, I am blessed to have you in my life. You are cherished and honored and loved.

Happy Thanksgiving! Xx. Em


Choosing to Love.

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On Sunday ...

someone wrote on my Facebook that my believing of love & tolerance as the correct answer to war was equivalent to 'hugging a terrorist'. I must politely respond with no, that is not right.

In my anger, I thought of a million scathing retorts to fire back. Then I realized doing that sure as heck wouldn't solve any problems nor would it make me feel any better. I deleted the comment and posted the picture above with the following comment instead::

I will never stop praying for peace. I will never stop believing that violence is not the answer. I will not give into fear. When we lessen ourselves to hatred, we are but mere shadows in this world. Only in light may we find freedom. Only in love.

You have two choices when your beliefs are opposed. You can simmer in your rage, carefully selecting words meant to tear another person down, or you can channel your emotion into something that empowers, something that is positive, something that makes people think. Only in light may we find freedom. Only in love.

Love and all is coming. Xx.


P.S. Use the hashtag #thegreatvibesguide for anything that makes you feel like doing the happy dance or expressing your imperfectly perfect self.

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P.S.S.S. Have you checked out all of the
other places Emily's spreading the Great Vibes?

Happy Fourth of July (early) & S A L E

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I wanted to wish everyone a Happy Fourth of July before the start of the weekend :). Remember the freedoms we are granted thanks to others sacrifice, and may we always feel safe and content within our lives and ourselves. Take this weekend to do a self check. Find where you could value more and where you really could care less. It's important to follow what makes us thrive; not what holds us back. Use your freedom wisely, ya know? I'm so blessed to be on this space, sharing what makes me so happy with all of you.

Please enjoy a 10% discount on all of my products and programs with the discount FREEDOM1 .

xx Em

+ I'm studying my hiney off and spending time with friends this weekend. How about you? Comment below or on Facebook!


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