How to Handle Conflict

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Tips & Tricks & Why Do I Care?

This post was previously published November 19, 2015. Since handling conflict is a part of life, there's never a bad time to arm yourself with ways to win at sticky situations.

It is important to find manageable ways to deal with confrontation and conflict to alleviate the inevitable pains that come from an ill-spoken word or argument. Here are my top four tips along with an awesome apology format to follow when future conflicts happen.

- if something is said that makes you want to lash out::

and an immediate response is necessary, take three full inhales and exhales before responding. If you can wait to respond, take the time to filter your words in a way that strongly presents your opinion but comes across without inflicting pain.

- if something is written that makes you want to lash out::

do not respond immediately. Write out what you would like to say, but do not send it at that moment. Take out unnecessary expressions of anger, and after ensuring your words come across mindfully and intentionally without cruelty, hit the send button.

- if you do or have done something in an expression of anger or hatred::

remember a heartfelt and sincere apology goes a lot further than resentment ever will. For example, if you've hurt someone's feelings or said an unkind remark, ask yourself why you lashed out that way, how it might have impacted their life to hear something like that, and ways you two might move forward.

A helpful format is,
"It has come to my attention that my action of (action requiring apology) could be seen as (offensive, annoying, hurtful, etc). I never intended to (consequence of your action). I want you to understand I was merely trying to (your intention), though I can see now that it may appear I was (perceived motive). Please accept my (adjective) apology. Moving forward, I will attempt to (proposed solution). That said, I would very much appreciate it if you (request for other party). Sincerely your (relationship to person), (your name)."

- if you are angry with or hate yourself::

breathe, ask yourself what exactly makes you upset, and plan simple steps you can take moving forward to change the behavior that bothers you. As an example, imagine you are upset you do not wake up on time. Ask yourself if you are going to bed too late, having difficulty staying asleep, or feeling overly stressed during the day. Some helpful steps would be to wind down earlier in the evening to go to bed at a more appropriate-for-you time, to lessen your load during the day by delegating or re-prioritizing, or possibly adjusting your caffeine intake if you're having trouble falling and staying asleep.

Choosing a more peaceful way to handle conflict is not easy. It requires effort and self-reflection. Be kind to yourself if you lash out or wish you had done something differently. Take small steps.

+ Did you find these tips helpful? What is your go-to calm down strategy?

Tag @yourfriend_em on Twitter or Instagram and tell me what you loved best about Handling Conflict. Share this with people who could benefit. Hashtag #thegreatvibesguide to spread the Great Vibes! Xx


P.S. Get a free 8-page Guide to Great Vibes filled with recipes, tips, and tricks to the lifestyle and body of your dreams.  >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

P.S.S.S. Have you checked out all of the
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Handling Conflict :: Both Internal & External

Tips & Tricks & Why Do I Care?

Going into the holiday season can be nostalgic in many ways, yet still fraught with tension. To alleviate the inevitable pains that come with an ill-spoken word or argument, it is important to find manageable ways to deal with confrontation and conflict. Here are my top four tips along with an awesome apology format to follow in the future.

- if something is said that makes you want to lash out::

and an immediate response is necessary, take three full inhales and exhales before responding. If you can wait to respond, take the time to filter your words in a way that strongly presents your opinion but comes across without inflicting pain.

- if something is written that makes you want to lash out::

do not respond immediately. Write out what you would like to say, but do not send it at that moment. Take out unnecessary expressions of anger, and after ensuring your words come across mindfully and intentionally without cruelty, hit the send button.

- if you do or have done something in an expression of anger or hatred::

remember a heartfelt and sincere apology goes a lot further than resentment ever will. For example, if you've hurt someone's feelings or said an unkind remark, ask yourself why you lashed out that way, how it might have impacted their life to hear something like that, and ways you two might move forward.

A helpful format is,
"It has come to my attention that my action of (action requiring apology) could be seen as (offensive, annoying, hurtful, etc). I never intended to (consequence of your action). I want you to understand I was merely trying to (your intention), though I can see now that it may appear I was (perceived motive). Please accept my (adjective) apology. Moving forward, I will attempt to (proposed solution). That said, I would very much appreciate it if you (request for other party). Sincerely your (relationship to person), (your name)."

- if you are angry with or hate yourself::

breathe, ask yourself what exactly makes you upset, and plan simple steps you can take moving forward to change the behavior that bothers you. As an example, imagine you are upset you do not wake up on time. Ask yourself if you are going to bed too late, having difficulty staying asleep, or feeling overly stressed during the day. Some helpful steps would be to wind down earlier in the evening to go to bed at a more appropriate-for-you time, to lessen your load during the day by delegating or re-prioritizing, or possibly adjusting your caffeine intake if you're having trouble falling and staying asleep.

Choosing love is not easy. It requires effort and self-reflection. Be kind to yourself if you lash out or wish you had done something differently. Take small steps.

+ Did you find these tips helpful? What is your go-to calm down strategy?


P.S. Use the hashtag #thegreatvibesguide for anything that makes you feel like doing the happy dance or expressing your imperfectly perfect self.

P.S.S. Did you know you get a free Great Vibes Guide & grocery store printable when you sign up for The Newsletter? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

P.S.S.S. Have you checked out all of the
other places Emily's spreading the Great Vibes?


Foods I Take to Wake: Second Edition


Lemons, Apples, & Coconut Oil

Welcome back to Foods I Take to Wake! I’ve (Emily, here!) received a lot of questions around how I eat on campus and survive my days of being a gluten-free vegan without dying of lack of protein (doesn’t happen, folks) or only eating cardboard-flavored foods. I promise it’s not impossible. The food I eat is tasty, delicious, and absolutely INCREDIBLE. I love food, and I love sharing my passions with you. Every other week, I’ll be dishing out three of my go-to foods for everyday life, especially when I’m away at school. Let’s get to it!


LEMONS

It’s no surprise I love a little lemon action – see My Favorite Tonic. They are packed with vitamins C, B6, A, E, folate, copper, calcium, iron, magnesium, potassium, zinc, phosphorus, and protein. Protein you say? You got it! With antioxidants, lemon becomes a powerful immune system booster, anti-cancerous, and anti-inflammatory food. Lemon is a powerful astringent – yay clear skin! I like to take lemons on my trips for their digestion-boosting properties. See? Lemon is no foe of mine.


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APPLES

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, right? Full of fiber – say hello to a happy tummy, sweetness – satisfies that late night sugar craving, and packing a punch with Vitamin C – 14% of DV (!), they are too good to be true. They support healthy weight loss, heart health, and provide sustaining energy for your workout, late night study sesh, or extra hours at the office. I’ve been eating an apple almost every day in one way or another. I love them baked in pies, pureed into apple sauce, or sliced and nibbled on. As a health coach, my favorite snack idea to suggest is apples with almond butter. If you want even more bang for your snack buck, stir some almond milk into your almond butter for a creamier, more dipable, and larger portion option. 


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COCONUT OIL

Coconut oil. Can I let you in on a secret? It’s amazing. It’s more than just a food. In fact, I probably use it more outside of the foodie world than in it. Here are some of the many ways I use coconut oil: deep conditioner for my hair, oil pulling, makeup remover, moisturizer, and that’s not even in my food. In food (just two examples here), I love it on top of my sweet potatoes like butter or  stirred with cocoa powder and honey for a quick homemade chocolate (variation of recipe here). Coconut oil gives you lasting energy, kills bacteria, viruses, fungi, and staves off infections, stabilizes your hunger levels, improves blood cholesterol while lowering your risk of heart disease, and also functions as a low SPF sunscreen. Hachacha! Basically if you like the bennies, add coconut oil into anything you can!

+ what are your favorite foods that you couldn’t live without? share below or on facebook!

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